When she’s starving for love
She hands it our freely,
He needs it a little bit more-
And for days
And all the hours in between-
She dreams of him
And his touch
In a time that is not-
And may never be-
Still, she smiles-
And still she waits
And what’s left
Of his breath in her lungs
And maybe that’s enough.
Maybe it always has been.
Young, here and now
We roam far and wide
Hearts never ending
As we stand side by side
This is our time to live and to feel
To learn, and to love and to simply just be
You and me, we’re not so different deep down
Blazing like fire in the heat of the night
How could this bond be so wrong yet so right?
We burn infinitely brighter than all the rest
And so our scars set deeper too
The pain of the past haunting us
So we fake our smiles
And pretend we give fewer fucks than we actually do
Because we can’t risk getting hurt just one more time
Shards of shattered hearts still stuck in our minds
But isn’t that an awful way to live?
So bitter, cold and alone?
We play it safe and not sorry
Because we’re afraid of the unknown
Well, what if this is the one?
Well, I guess we’ll never know.
Because the risk is too great,
So we just let the love go.
Keep calm and keep it inside-
All the pain of searing scars-
The self doubt, self deprecation-
Something just isn’t right here.
The scratches down my back
Should be soothing
In the same way a stubbed toe
Distracts from a splinter,
Numbing everything else-
If only for a second.
And if nothing else, shouldn’t
The raised skin remind me
That you wanted to be here?
At least in the moment,
For some strange reason
Something in me caught your eye,
Something in this self
Put together from scratch,
Rebuilt every morning
Because the end goal-
Just getting it right-
Still seems so far out of reach.
You say there’s something here,
Something strong for putting up
With the bullshit for so long,
But if that’s true then why does this
Feel so fucking wrong?
I’m not allowed to love myself,
It’s just not the way society raised me to be.
Love thy neighbor,
But hate thy self-
Shelf your dreams
For the sake of the machine
And keep on rebuilding from scratch.
Maybe if originality and trust
Were valued more than
Appearances and lust
I could maybe love you,
But you have a lot to learn too,
Because darling, don’t you see?
You don’t really love me-
Just the parts-
Put together from scratch.
On the last night
I whispered sweet nothings into your ear
The entire way back to my place.
I knew what I wanted-
And you knew what I wanted-
But a girl’s got to play it coy, ya’ know?
So I turned away and blushed-
So you made the first move-
And what was supposed to be a kiss goodnight
Spiraled into something more
As your hands grew bold-
And my resolve faded away-
And I let myself be consumed by the flames-
You gave me mine in the front seat-
I gave you yours in the back-
I saw stars and stars
And wasn’t that was the same car from before?
But I let it go-
I’m not so innocent now, am I?
The pool of black lace at my feet reminds me-
Well what do you know, the windows really do fog up-
Do the seats still smell like sex?
And how did you explain it in the morning?
And how did it make you feel
When you drove away for good?
My mother once told me
That “you never really see
How toxic someone is
Until you breathe fresher air,”
But never mentioned
What comes after.
When he wasn’t toxic in the sense of
City smog, or exhaust from cars,
But of cigarette smoke and whiskey
In dimly lit bars
When you know you should have left
At least two drinks ago,
But it’s all so warm-
And feels so right-
That you don’t even bother to put up a fight
Against the poison coursing through your veins
As it turns your blood to fire-
This is what the world has taught us
Passion feels like.
So we clench our fists tight
And hold on for dear life-
Even with our shaking hands
And sweating palms,
Because some addictions are just too sweet to break-
So we let them kill us instead,
And always with a smile…
And mother never told me that.
Dreamers of a different kind
Will chase their desires until death,
And even then, just maybe
A little bit further-
Watching dandelion dust transform
Into wings, carried on the whispered
Prayers that have fallen on deaf ears
One too many times-
A last resort we repeat every chance we get-
Desperation is a dangerous drive-
When combined with something else-
To hold together that which has already
Been broken for so long-
I have become a dreamer of my own kind-
Frayed on every edge with doubts-
And damn it-
The thought that when you fade
The world will just stay the same-
I wish on clocks because
Maybe this time it will be different-
Waiting on hands and faces
We’re always wishing to be,
But lack the bite to break through-
And I know I shouldn’t believe this to be true,
But do you even miss me when I’m gone?
I wish on clocks
Because this time
I hope it will be different.
Can I too find myself among the stars?
Dancing in constellations where I don’t belong-
It’s probably wrong, but nothing has ever felt this right before-
Wishing to shine with such brilliance,
The very same that captures me night after night,
Let’s shoot across the skies together,
Falling into infinity,
Can I even hope to keep up?
The big picture has always been there,
Long before the time of you and me,
But even my brush stokes leave marks-
And eventually my own tale will be defined too,
Painted with the colors of all I have the potential to be,
In the end, will you still be there standing next to me?
Do my scars set so deep
That my memory will live on
Long after I’m gone with the evening wind
And the blackbirds have quit calling my name?
And on nights like this,
Will you look up at the stars and remember I was there too?
On the nights when the stars slumber
Behind veils of darkness-
The moon’s muffled lullabies unable
To reach my yearning ears-
The monsters crawl into my bed with me.
They are merciless-
Musing softly of all my mistakes-
Making much of what should have been miniscule-
Over and over again-
The manic refrain
Knifing my brain
As they drink my worth dry
From the sorrows they rip
From my sleepless eyes
With their needle like claws
And I find myself paralyzed.
They paw restlessly
Beneath my clothes
And make my skin crawl-
Their touch is nothing like yours,
Seems to be far more familiar-
On nights like these I find myself wishing
That you were the monster who had
Crawled into bed with me instead,
But instead I am here alone-
And when I’m alone
They ravage me raw-
Drawing out the ugliest bits and pieces of me-
I wish you never saw these bits and pieces of me-
I wonder what you think of me now.
She was the kind of girl that men put pen to paper for-
Made immortal in ink and song-
The beautiful stranger held the soul of a muse-
Yet those fingers would never leave the ivory keys
To find the right notes in the notches of her spine-
The whispered sonnets would never grace her collarbone
So sweetly as they would but a breath away from
Some coffee shop microphone.
She would never know the feel of calloused hands
Playing her like a guitar,
Or falling asleep next to her lover
Who still smelled softly of acrylics and turpentine-
She was the kind of girl they loved to love,
But only ever from afar.