Waiting

Waiting on alters,
Why do you insist on eternally
Turning yourself into
This sacrificial lamb?

Waiting patiently for the knife
At your throat
In exchange for that which
You desire most,
But do you really believe your
Suffering brings you closer to God?

The scars on your heart
Tally the times you’ve reached the end
And still, here you are again-

Does this ever get tiring to you?
How are you not tired of this?
Because I’m so-
Fucking-
Tired-
Of waiting.

Between

And there i stood
In that same yellow wood
On the trail
On which we all walk-

One path was well versed
And yet somehow I knew
That the one less traveled
Had been taken before too

So I set in between
Yes I had a plan
Half in the clear
Half in no man’s land.

But the paths, they diverged
And the forest got deep
But my heart remained firm
And my way I did keep.

So onward I pushed
As I set wayward bound
And wouldn’t you know
All the wonders I found?

All I Am Not

I am not a saint
Sage, poet, pagan, hippy bitch
Frolicking through forests
With flowers in my hair
Waiting to ease your pain

Heathen, hipster, flower child-
I walk in storms to wash my sins away,
But the kiss of the raindrops
Makes my shirt stick to my skin
Igniting any onlooking eyes
In such a way,
And of course it’s all my fault-

I was born free without a fuck
To give or two,
So take me with a grain of salt
And a shot of tequila,
If I’m just a little too much for you-
You are not one, but two,
As I lay here forgotten
Six feet under the weeping ash,
Can’t you see?
Man made me this some sort of way-

Suddenly I blink and there are three of you-
One for each dirty part of me-
I’m afraid there will be more to come
So I dare not close my eyes,
But I can’t bear to watch any longer.

Ravings of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl

It’s not you, it’s me-
These are the words that will fall from my lips
At the end of our time together.

You see, I just can’t be tied down, and you-
All the better because of it-
Will take your very first steps into your
New life of super fulfilled-
Super quirky awesomeness!

But until that day comes around,
Let me be the body of your fantasy-
The mind of the woman you want me to be-
Let me save you from yourself
And maybe then we’ll see-
If you can heal my broken soul-
So our hearts can love freely-

Awestruck, you whisper close-
“I just have to figure you out”
Not so much discover, but defined
By whatever it is you make of me
From the expectations in your mind.

Never myself, but Hell, why not see,
How much like your dream girl
You think I can be!
Etching my sorrows on the backs of locked doors-
And there is where they’ll stay,
Because really-
Who wants to hear them anyway?

You’re out of your mind,
And guess what,
I’m am too!
Did it ever occur
This is too good to be true?

And now it seems our story
Has reached its dramatic end.

You were too blinded to see
The real reason this could never work-
Darling, it’s you. Not me

Maybe

When she’s starving for love
She hands it our freely,
Because maybe,
Just maybe-
He needs it a little bit more-

And for days
And nights-
And all the hours in between-
She dreams of him
And his touch
In a time that is not-
And may never be-

Still, she smiles-
And still she waits
On silence
And what’s left
Of his breath in her lungs
And maybe that’s enough.

Maybe it always has been.

Time Lost

You gave me a guitar with broken strings
And promised me my soul was made of music,
But as the years went on
And silence reigned
I lost my beat to the buzz
of a society restrained.

You haven’t mentioned the music since.

You bought me paint
As a form of release for the colors of
Chaos that consume my mind-
And for a time my passion flowed
Blended by brushes and for once
I was in control of a world all my own
And for a time I didn’t feel so alone,
But the colors dried wrong
And my brushes all broke-

We haven’t spoken of my art since.

You gave me ballet shoes
So I could learn how to dance.
Show my thoughts through my body,
And perhaps by chance add some
Discipline to the fire within me.
But I couldn’t keep up-
My bones just wouldn’t bend,
I just couldn’t fake it, I couldn’t pretend-

The wild in me always won in the end.

The expectations were just too much
Always afraid of losing touch
With what I now know was never even
Mine to begin with.

The disappointment was draining
And why should it be?
Don’t you see,
I was only a child then-

. . .

I bought myself a notebook,
And when the years weighed heavy on my heart,
I wrote this poem as a reminder
That no matter how much 
time you feel is lost
Know it’s never too late for a brand new start.

18 M

Heaven to my right,
And Hell to my left.
I walk a fine line
Somewhere in between.

Side by side
We walk in silence.
I’ve never heard your heart
Beat louder than in the now.

Blackbirds sing their songs
At sunset
As the end of the world rolls in
Baptizing us with its icy waters
Into life anew.

It is not all together unpleasant.

I’ve walked on clouds
And found my wings,
All the while watching them
Be painted with the colours
Of the earth I’ve claimed as my own.

I wonder what kind of woman I’ll be?
With nettle scars on my knees
And a crown of flowers in my hair?

Between the Lines

Young, here and now
We roam far and wide
Hearts never ending
As we stand side by side

This is our time to live and to feel
To learn, and to love and to simply just be
You and me, we’re not so different deep down
Blazing like fire in the heat of the night
How could this bond be so wrong yet so right?

We burn infinitely brighter than all the rest
And so our scars set deeper too
The pain of the past haunting us
So we fake our smiles
And pretend we give fewer fucks than we actually do

Because we can’t risk getting hurt just one more time
Shards of shattered hearts still stuck in our minds
But isn’t that an awful way to live?
So bitter, cold and alone?
We play it safe and not sorry
Because we’re afraid of the unknown

Well, what if this is the one?
Well, I guess we’ll never know.
Because the risk is too great,
So we just let the love go.

Scratch

Keep calm and keep it inside-
All the pain of searing scars-
The self doubt, self deprecation-
Something just isn’t right here.

The scratches down my back
Should be soothing
In the same way a stubbed toe
Distracts from a splinter,
Numbing everything else-
If only for a second.

And if nothing else, shouldn’t
The raised skin remind me
That you wanted to be here?
At least in the moment,
You wanted

Me

For some strange reason
Something in me caught your eye,
Something in this self
Put together from scratch,
Rebuilt every morning
Because the end goal-
Just getting it right-
Still seems so far out of reach.

You say there’s something here,
Something strong for putting up
With the bullshit for so long,
But if that’s true then why does this
Feel so fucking wrong?

I’m not allowed to love myself,
You see?
It’s just not the way society raised me to be.

Love thy neighbor,
But hate thy self-

Shelf your dreams
For the sake of the machine
And keep on rebuilding from scratch.

Maybe if originality and trust
Were valued more than
Appearances and lust
I could maybe love you,

But you have a lot to learn too,
Because darling, don’t you see?
You don’t really love me-

Just the parts-
Put together from scratch.

Together We’l l Go

Can you feel it?
How, at moments like these,
Our hearts beat as one?

We are young-
And wild-
And free-
And the night is ours to take.

But why stop at the night?
We’ll take the day too-
And the evening-
And all the time in between.

We’ll get behind the wheel and go-
Because there are no limits to us-

We can go anywhere-
Everywhere-
Because we have nowhere to be.

When you’re not looking for anything
You’ll find the most amazing things.

So come on-
Come with me-
And together we’ll go.