Espresso

My own empty cup lies forgotten-
As I sit and remember the feint taste of
Espresso on your lips.
I’m not sure if it’s the caffeine or what,
But something tells me
I won’t be sleeping again tonight

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O.S

It’s funny how in but a breath
A lifetime can be lived twice-
And in the blink of an eye
I find my mind beginning to unwind
Darling, I swear over the rapid’s roar
I have never been so at peace-
As I fall, enveloped in the cerulean sky-
I could die, so why does that thought not bother me?

No, my body knows what to do,
Just let go of my shoelaces and I’ll take care of this one-
I think I may have been here before-

In a moment I am baptized into something anew-
It’s cold, but not an unpleasant feeling-

I wonder who I’ll be once I find my way back to you-
And why I find this so- exciting- In a zen sort of way-
Acting on instinct-
Maybe it’s time I got away from myself for a little bit,

But no, even from down here I can hear you cry my name
And I have no choice but to tame the fire
This flood gave way to-
For you I can wait a little bit longer-

I breach the surface and you pull me in again-
Gasping for air
You stare as I laugh in such a way
You haven’t seen me do in years-
Maybe I really have been reborn here-
But in the now I’m too tired even care-

Bring me back to the edge sometime-
Exhaustion is what I needed all along.

Mother Never Told Me

My mother once told me
That “you never really see
How toxic someone is
Until you breathe fresher air,”
But never mentioned
What comes after.

When he wasn’t toxic in the sense of
City smog, or exhaust from cars,
But of cigarette smoke and whiskey
In dimly lit bars
When you know you should have left
At least two drinks ago,

But it’s all so warm-
And feels so right-
That you don’t even bother to put up a fight
Against the poison coursing through your veins
As it turns your blood to fire-

Because this-
This is what the world has taught us
Passion feels like.

So we clench our fists tight
And hold on for dear life-
Even with our shaking hands
And sweating palms,

Because some addictions are just too sweet to break-
So we let them kill us instead,
And always with a smile…
And mother never told me that.

Tides

You preferred to watch the comets dance
In and out of your atmosphere-
With their speed and shining tails-
But I have always been a moon-
And so I knew-
Even through my eclipses-
It wouldn’t be long before you felt
My presence pull on your tides.

Optimist

I’m not an optimist, I’m just stubborn-
It’s easy to get the two confused-
Beaten, broken, battered and bruised-
Used to my end-
But still, here I am again-
Somehow I just can’t be kept down-
But are you actually surprised?

With the guise of a small-town sweetheart
The galaxies within me are masked by
A domestic frame and a demure grin,
But you-

You felt them there from the start, didn’t you?

Maybe if you’d look me in the eye you too
Could catch a glimpse of all I have inside
And watch as our stars collide-

But then again, what do I know?
I’m just an optimist,

At least,
Everyone seems to think so.

Silver Lining

Maybe I need to learn
How to keep a tighter lip
And hide my heart
Which finds itself most at home
On my sleeve-

Maybe I’m a bit much
And I shouldn’t try to rush
Some thing so apparently
Precious to me.

But if that’s true,
Then why do the days
And nights without you
And your touch
Feel like an eternity
Each in their own respect?

Maybe I’m just hung up on your maybe-

And maybe I dwell on this a little too much-
But maybe I don’t really care,
Because maybe I’d rather deal with all the maybes
Than one more “what if”

And maybe I’ve lost my God damn mind
Trying to find the silver lining I swear
I’ve seen stitched into the very essence
Of your soul-

It keeps me tethered to you when your
Days are at their darkest-
Darling, don’t you see?
I cannot save you-
But I can at least help ease the pain-
After all, I’m not just here for the pretty parts,
But you already knew that,
Didn’t you?

Maybe.
God, I hope you do.

Magnet

Darling, I need to drown in something other than you-
I fall with the weight of this feeling
I can’t even hope to describe,
But damn it, I at least have to try.

You are like a magnet to the iron in my blood
And every time I see you I swear there is fire in my veins-
So why aren’t you burning with me?

The smoke on your tongue makes me want to set these words ablaze
So maybe then I could ignite you in such a way
And by chance taste the ash off your kiss-

I am one breath away from becoming a dragon-
The days and nights all drag on without you by my side-
The other side of my bed still houses a memory about the size of you-

And I just don’t dream the way I used to
When the edge of every fleeting figment was laced with you
And the thought that maybe you’d be there when I woke-

Maybe you’ll read this one day.
Just not today.

Wishing on Clocks

Dreamers of a different kind
Will chase their desires until death,
And even then, just maybe
A little bit further-

Watching dandelion dust transform
Into wings, carried on the whispered
Prayers that have fallen on deaf ears
One too many times-
A last resort we repeat every chance we get-

Desperation is a dangerous drive-
When combined with something else-
To hold together that which has already
Been broken for so long-

I have become a dreamer of my own kind-
Frayed on every edge with doubts-
And damn it-
The thought that when you fade
The world will just stay the same-

I wish on clocks because
Maybe this time it will be different-
Waiting on hands and faces
We’re always wishing to be,
But lack the bite to break through-
And I know I shouldn’t believe this to be true,
But do you even miss me when I’m gone?

I wish on clocks
Because this time
I hope it will be different.

Constellations

Can I too find myself among the stars?
Dancing in constellations where I don’t belong-
It’s probably wrong, but nothing has ever felt this right before-
Wishing to shine with such brilliance,
The very same that captures me night after night,
Let’s shoot across the skies together,
Falling into infinity,
Can I even hope to keep up?

The big picture has always been there,
Long before the time of you and me,
But even my brush stokes leave marks-
And eventually my own tale will be defined too,
Painted with the colors of all I have the potential to be,
In the end, will you still be there standing next to me?

Do my scars set so deep
That my memory will live on
Long after I’m gone with the evening wind
And the blackbirds have quit calling my name?
And on nights like this,
Will you look up at the stars and remember I was there too?

Love Does Not Come Peacefully

Love does not come peacefully.
It is not enchanted meadows
Or grand castles
Where a single kiss can change fate
And lead two newly entwined souls
Down the road of happily ever after.A lie as old as time, these storybook
Fantasies we dream, and wish, and cry-
And still that fabled glass slipper
Never seems to fit
But that’s because love is not a fairytale-
Not even close-We say it’s not real when it’s ours
Because there are no gowns,
Or magic, or musical numbers
To let us know that our storybook dream
Is finally coming true.
And then we let it go,
More empty than before.
Because real love just disappeared,
And we didn’t even know…

Love does not come peacefully.
Love keeps you guessing,
It keeps you on your toes-
It makes you pull your hair out
And question everything you’ve ever
Known to be true-
And it challenges you-
See, it’s the best and the worst-
Because to be vulnerable terrifying,
But still, somehow warm,
And makes you feel safe and whole,
And how could something so sweet
Shatter a soul so thoroughly
And turn a heart to stone?

So no, love does not come peacefully-
It is chaos bred with bliss-
It kills, it renews-
So it’s a fucking hit or miss-
You can choose to run away,
Or stay and take the risk,
But still, soon it will find you,
You can be sure of this-
And you can try to keep it down,
Dim, hide and kill the spark-
But you know it will light again
And illuminate the dark
You try to live in-
Cold, safe and apart-
It’s either one of two ways
To torture a heart.To love or to lock,
I’ll pick fire every time-
Because a lonely life of ice
Just couldn’t ever be mine.
So yes, my heart will break-
Time and time again-
And so life will keep on changing
Until I meet the one and then-
Fuck no, “Happily Every After”
The adventure’s just begun!
We’ll be growing, learning, changing-
To love is like chasing the sun-And some stand still
And look-
And scoff-
And say that it’s a waste-
But those who keep on moving
Know it’s best to keep the pace-
And move on through the pain-
And exhaustion-
And even the bitter doubt.
Because to see the world through
Unjaded eyes-
Well…
That’s really what it’s all about.